My love,

I'm sorry it has come to this. I'm devastated, my mind and body numb from the pain of not being able to talk to you. I feel like I am trapped in a dark room, void of all light and emotion, my heart reeling from the intense pain.

I miss you.

I miss your voice... your voice that gives me the strength to continue on with my day. I miss your laugh... you make me glad to live. I miss everything about you, even your bad jokes (sometimes, even mood).

I love you. I love you so damn much.

Please don't push me away.


Still yours,

Anj.

Before I met you, I could only write when I was in love. Words came freely, pouring out of me sometimes at a speed I cannot control.

When you came into my life, I stopped.

I ceased writing, resuming only when we would have fights, both petty and not. I couldn't find the words to describe how happy you made me feel. I was in bliss, having no use for words and choosing to feel all these emotions and savor them while they lasted. You became my happiness, more than words could ever provide.

But now I write. I grab my laptop and share all my thoughts and feelings, fingers tip-tapping on a keyboard, trying hard not to let my tears fall.

Sometimes I hurt too.

I know love isn't all about the roses, but of its thorns too. I love you and with it comes my acceptance of everything about you. I hope you know and remember that.

I don't love you any less. I love you with even more intensity now that I know that you need me most. I choose to absorb all of your pain even if you choose not to share it with me.

I love you, my dear Patrick. Please do not forget that.